Thirty-Five

Yesterday I was home alone while A spent the whole day in the city with his best friend, who came to stay with us for the weekend. I found a marathon of episodes on a show about people who won lotteries, and how it had changed their lives, and I watched all afternoon. This wasn't one of those lurid tales about how fortunes had ruined lives. It was just an interesting look at how the winners were spending their millions. One of the couples on an episode actually live IN this tiny-ass country town I live in now, where they won $2.5 million on a scratch-off ticket. The episodes were current, filmed in 2009, about people who had been recent winners and therefore hadn't had time yet to squander their fortunes and spiral into debt and misery again. I've only lived in three states over my lifetime, and all three states have had the lottery. One state had their own lottery, started when I was in my 20's. The next state was part of the Powerball system. The state we moved to this year does the Mega Millions- we had a recent winner two weeks ago from this shithole town, I think he won $12 million. I don't play the lottery. I don't ever carry cash, I rarely go to convenience stores, and I just don't feel lucky. A plays every once in awhile, he wins a few dollars here and there, but nothing to break into a sweat about. On one of the episodes yesterday, a guy had written down a list "if I ever win the lottery" for how he wanted to spend his money. Sure enough, he did win. I kept watching the shows, seeing how different people chose to spend the money. Most of the people on the show spent it on the obvious- cars and homes. It made me think about how I would spend such a large sum of money. Yes, A and I have had "that" conversation before, just for fun and just out of curiosity to see what the other one was thinking about. A first and foremost said all of our immediate family members would get a gift of cash from us. Parents, siblings, nieces and nephews. Or, pay off their mortgages and cars, set our six nieces and nephews up with money for college. It doesn't surprise me that A would think this way, he is deeply devoted to family and his heritage and roots. I would love to give money away to all the family as well, but then where do you draw the line? Aunts and uncles, cousins, in-laws' family members. And what about friends- best friend, college buddy, co-worker, acquaintances. You can't give it away to everyone and everybody, there would be nothing left for you. I know, how much money does one person really need? Could I ever really spend tens of millions of dollars? I have never desired the rock star lifestyle, or the royal treatment. I don't covet my neighbors' BMW or Mercedes, I have never wished to join the country club right up the road, I'm too fat to fit chic designer clothes. So, after showering the family with generosity, then what? We do have several charities that we currently support, all of them are either for abused animals or sick children. We give what we can, which isn't nearly enough. I would love to be able to help out the local animal shelters even more- I could see myself easily spending way too much money to help out animals in need, a situation my heart truly bleeds for. After that, I'm not sure. I would certainly pay off all our debt- the house, our few bills, prepay all the utilities for about a year. Next would be travel- I've always had a dream of buying a big tricked out RV and traveling across the country for months at a time, no plans, going wherever we felt like driving for the day. I've seen RV's that are little mini houses on wheels- they have laundry rooms, flat screen TV's with satellite, full-size kitchens. That would be the way to go. All our pets could go with us- travel by any other means would require leaving the animals at home, and neither of us would want to be away from them for that long. A has always said if he was independently wealthy, he would play poker for a living in Vegas, he feels that is his true calling. I've been to Vegas several times, and it's okay to visit, but I'm not sure I would want to live there forever. Maybe out in the suburbs, but that is A's dream, not mine. After all the travel across the country, it would be time to come home and decide where we want to live. I don't see us wanting to stay in this current area, we are only here because A's job brought us here, and we're just waiting out his next promotion so we can move again in another few years. So, if we had millions and didn't have to work? Where to "retire" to? A grew up on a working farm in the Smoky Mountains. I grew up on the Gulf Coast, a beach baby. Each of us escaped our lives as soon as possible. And although neither of us wants to return to where we came from, we each want to end up where the other one started. My dream is to have a cozy cabin in the mountains, enjoy the change of seasons from my front porch, have a yard filled with flowers and animals. A's dream is to live in paradise, where he can play golf every day and never fight the cold weather, walk on the beach in the mornings, and dine on fresh seafood and tropical fruits every night. We've always joked that we will have to retire in two places- a mountain cabin during the summer, and a beach condo in the winter, but of course we can't afford that. After that, I don't really know what I would spend money on. With me, probably just what I spend it on now- stuff to read, art supplies to play with, music to listen to. I don't want a private jet or yacht, or a butler, or a penthouse in the city, or a big mansion I could get lost in. A comes from a very humble background and I don't think he would be interested in any of that, either. I see that sort of thing on TV, and it doesn't appeal to me at all, I am not envious of Paris Hilton or Donald Trump in any way whatsoever. I mean, how much stuff can one person really want or need or use? Everyone wants a comfortable home, but do I need 16 bedrooms and 20 bathrooms in one house?? Do I need gold fixtures for the bathtub? Do I need a separate closet just for all my shoes? You can only wear one pair at a time after all. You can only drive one car at a time. If I had a bottomless pit of money, I think for me it would be more about what I could "do" with it, instead of what I could "own" with it. It would be about freeing A up from his 60 hour a week job, so we could spend time together, before all our time on this earth is gone. Where could we go, what could we see, how could we come together and enjoy life with each other? I'm sure every person who hits the big jackpot on the lottery doesn't think they will ever be the winner, and yet they continue to play. Me, I don't play, so I don't ever have to worry about winning or not. But maybe I should buy a ticket now and then?? My dream, every day and every night, is more time to spend with A, but as long as he has his job that is never going to happen. Winning the lottery may not buy me happiness, but it could buy me more free time to be with the man I love. And THAT would make me happy.