One

I have another blog, full of fun colors and happy stories. I want this one to remain anonymous. No photos, no names, nothing to give away my identity to friends and family and other bloggers. So I can write what I want without any worries that my relatives will think I've gone psycho or delusional on them. A blog where I can talk about the things that maybe I don't want the husband or the parents or the best friend to know about. A blog where my thoughts are just for me, a diary of what's in my head, what's wrong with me, and I don't care if I get followers or readers or comments. I get a lot of that on my other blog, which is cool, and I enjoy it and love the chitchat and the sunshine and the flowers and the hearts. But I have a dark side to me, that no one knows about. I'm miserable, unhappy, sad, feel like crap every hour of my life. No, I don't need professional help, don't need to talk to someone in an office. I get along with life fine, and smile at everyone, and take care of my husband's needs, read good books, see the family, take vacations, pet the cats, work in the garden, shop for clothes, make great dinners, get plenty of sleep, drink lots of water. All that good stuff that life is supposed to be about. But there are days I wonder why I bother. I wonder if, I never got out of bed, would anyone but the husband even care? And at some point, I wonder if even he would care? After all these years, I think he is used to it by now. I call them my blue moods, or I tell him I'm in a funk, and I just apologize when I take his head off for the smallest slight. I know better, but the meanness just comes out of me anyhow. So this is my blog, where I can say all that black, unforgiving, angry junk that I wouldn't dare say to any friend, or even a stranger on the street. Where I can say anything I want and not have to worry about embarrassing myself or my husband, and where I won't worry about coming off as screwed up or conceited or lazy or whatever else you can throw at me. I'm not concerned about comments, I don't know any of you and you don't know who I am. So we're even. If you read me, fine, I don't really care. I am not doing this to gain followers or rack up hits. I've got all that on my other blog. Consider this my online journal, my life and times, my way to get it all out of me and onto this blog. It eats me up sometimes, I've got to let it go. Warning- I'm unemployed and love to write and have lots of time on my hands- I will probably post more than once a day.